Hello.
I dont think that this will be new news but as a chronicaly depressed, full with social anxiety, neurotic dude - I am easily bound to be addicted to stuff that changes that, even for a short period of time and with hughe risks.
Butttt, I dont like seeing myself end up robbing some poor old woman just for another fix, so I rather stay sober.
Cigarettes and sweetned stuff (drinks and snaks) are my only addictions I carry out and allow myself.
Alcohol - two beers an evening once a while (~ every 2/3 months once).
Cannabis - I did, for a while, but I am a natural stoner and the two together (me and canabis, that is) is rather depressing. No thank you.
I, to be honest, enjoyed a combination of a tiny bit of LSD and ecstasy.
I didnt dance, I did nothing but cry at the beauty of the world I saw and how wonderfull it was to love the people around me, and that without exeption.
I was shocked and affraid and amazed. But when you are given a tool to eradicate all your problems superficialy at the expense of reality, at least I dont have to think twice: This can and will never happen again. Its too great to even allow myself to try that once more and that this thought, after 7 years still makes me sad is quite telling, I think.
Blabla, "MATTHIAS why no mention of Meditation so far, when its in the title?"
If thats what you are asking yourself, here the awnser.
I can recreate this somehow.
When I meditate I have a 1/10 chance of something like that and its always the same.
First my vision starts to slowly fade into whiteness. Tiny stars forming. Just like when you are about to pass out (just in white, not black) or your hyperventilating. Then suddenly my vision turns entirly black (I meditate with open eyes). In the center of this blackness its even more black. In fact everything else is nothing (therefore black) but the middle is entire blackness and not just nothingness.
This blackness explodes, into millions of colorfull nebulas. Galaxies, Stars and Planets alike form. Past, Present and Future all happening at the same time while I am watching from the middle of the "Universe".
Sure, I gave those things names, by what I associate with them and I just see those things because they resemble what I learned looks like that but bla.
Its amazing. I can see what happens in the whole galaxy as well as on atomic level and everything in between. Colors grow to live on these planets, form species, they extinct, new one gets born. This happenes everywhere and then everything gets suddenly slower. usualy I loose focus and regain conciousness but once I continued.
The whole colorfull brightness slwoly got colder and dim and at its darkest point it was like the beginning. Everything than moves slowly to the center, getting dimmer and dimmer. and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz nothingness again.
Everytime I make it to the part or beyond I usualy regain conciousness I cry already when "waking up" as I am too overwhelmed, happy and sad at the same time.
Sad? Yup. I have this thing, this idea, those pictures in my head and I know I cant store them, even worse - as I wrote in my diary when it first happened (in german mind you): "I dont know what to write, it was so beautiful. Everything at the same time. Ah I just stop writing and keep crying happily, its an insult to what happened to even try to write about it, anyway."
The medical explanation of this are propably one of those (or a combination):
hyperventilating
cutting off blood circuit to extremities and head to much
sleep deprivation
or as in meditation supposed: left brain half shuts up
and my neglected and supresesd creative side bursts out as it only has a short time.
I am back!
vor 14 Jahren
2 Kommentare:
I have wine occasionally, but your experience reminds me of when I get stand up too quickly and become light headed. that is my high, standing up too quickly.
I practice kundalini meditation. Sometimes i use a recording to help me into a trance-like state. Kundalini meditation works quite well for me and makes me feel ecstatic. it feels so wonderful to feel so connected.
Quantum physics tell us that we are connected to everything around us, above us, below us etc. There is no real separation between me and the bench i'm sitting on all the way through the spaces and spaces and spaces to you. Its easy to forget about about connectedness...to space, time, galaxies, people, places and innatimate objects. when i practice kundalini meditation i feel as though there is a root growing out of my spinal chord and straight down into the ground. I feel that my neck is stretch and that my head becomes like a massive, buzzing tree top that stretches up through every planet and star in our solar system and beyond beyond beyond. my body usually sways and undulates. I feel ecstatic. i breathe, cry and move. when i come back to earth, i open my eyes and see everything washed in colors that i don't normally see - "auras" or whatever...
I used to take ecstasy frequently. Once i was laying in a seedy motel room with a mirror on the ceiling. I had taken quite a dose of the stuff and i was staring at my reflection in the mirror. My face moved and changed into other faces. beautiful faces. i could see a hundred different faces in myself. i could see the connectedness. i could see how everything wasn't still, but in constant movement. there was a book laying next to me. i could see the pages through the cover. it was wonderful. that's why i don't touch the stuff anymore. it was too wonderful.
now i drink hot tea and meditate. and play the ukulele - that can get quite meditative as well. and sometimes i hold my breath. ;-)
i love how i don't have to edit myself to leave comments here for you. although, your probably wishing now that there was some sort of word-maximum ;-D
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